Just say no to croutons and senseless pasta killings.
People are SO concerned about social convention and SO concerned about what others might think.
It’s time to take your health into your own hands.
If people want to be difficult, it’s time to employ a little civil disobedience.
If someone hands you a plate of pasta, you tell them that pasta is murder. Those little spaghetti trees give their lives for substandard tomato sauces.
If someone tells you cake is low-calorie, so it’s ok, you tell them, so is poop, but Betty Crocker didn’t put that on the refrigerator aisle.
If someone tries to tell you that a potato is healthy because it’s a vegetable, let them know that potatoes contain more starch than Dracula’s collar, and itchy collars make vampires grumpy. Then flash your canines.
Just throw people off, use humor, and when worst comes to worst, pull the Fred Sanford, throw your hands over your chest, loll about and yell, “Jesus! Jesus I’m coming to you, Jesus!” at the suggestion that someone is trying to get you to drink a Capri Sun and eat a 100 calorie snack pack.
A little drama goes a long way and makes for great photos later.
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