Thursday, April 16, 2009

Twilight movie didn't make me throw up in my mouth a little

While I do not supporting eating disorders, vomiting is one of those ways people lose weight in reasonable circumstances. Like food poisoning. Or during the flu. Or while watching chick flicks.

Surprisingly, I saw Twilight for the first time last night and, despite wanting to hate it due to the fact that girls love it, and because of Kristen Stewart’s bizarre, antisocial behavior (she’s not even emo) and Cedric Diggory as a vampire (Robert Patten), it actually didn’t make me heave.

I admit to having read the series last summer, and it was decent. While a bit self-indulgent and rambling like David Copperfield for Teen Vampires, I made it through feeling like at least the author didn’t need to be clubbed to death with her laptop.

The film? I cringed initially. Teens everywhere emoted estrogen all over Edward Cullen’s magical forest hair, suffering slobbery smooches over his persona. I still had some issues with the movie, however, couched with some cred.


1. Robert Patten as Edward Cullen. Sorry, guys. He is not who I envisioned as perfection on a hottie stick. Patten is too emotive and not gaunt enough for be to buy he’s the emo of emoness.

2. The speed scenes. I know there are these things known as budgets, but the flying, running and jumping shizz was so cheesy, my pizza was jebbous.

3. Alice is brunette? Why did I picture Alice as a blonde? Was I smoking crack during these books?

4. The music. The movie played out like dialogue and posing placed with music rather than a scored film. Come on, people. Don’t tell me this is was supposed to be MTV, feature length. It came off more like VH1.


1. Jasper. Major cuteness! He is definitely a fabulous choice for the role.

2. Dr. Cullen. A mix between Kenneth Branaugh and a man candy, he was right on as the seemingly ‘too young’ care giver of his ‘four adopted kids’.

3. Debussy played during a scene. That pimp is pimp!

4. Cameo of the author is a must-have. With her laptop no less! Work it, Meyer!

What did you think?